[Disclaimer: I never said I was perfect. Or that I would entertain you to no end with an an unhealthy supply of rants and raves, of politics or pretty things. Of fantastical stories made up in my mind, or true horrific news most unkind. But here there are some lovely songs…to play, to hear, to mend your heart, your soul. It’s how I get through my day. And you?]

 

Part 1: Morning Coffee Playlist (Chill…)

Massive Attack – Man Next Door
Tosca – Busenfreund
Symbion Project – Soft Tempest
Worm is Green – Optimistic
Massive Attack – Risingson
Amon Tobin – Easy Muffin
Liquid Soul – Tagtraum
Air – Space Maker
Zoot Woman – Calmer

Part 2: Afternoon Stress-Stomper Playlist (Dance!)

VNV Nation – The Farthest Star
Depeche Mode – Stripped
Neuroticfish – The Bomb
Girls Under Glass – Frozen
E Nomine – Vater Unser
Imperative Reaction – Giving Into The Change
Project Pitchfork – Timekiller
De/Vision – Turn Me On
VNV Nation – Descent
Velvet Acid Christ – Icon
Seabound – Scorch The Ground
Wumpscut – Hang Him Higher (Instrumental)
Wolfsheim – The Sparrows and the Nightengales
Neuroticfish – M.F.A.P.L. 2008
Camouflage – The Great Commandment
Icon of Coil – Shelter

© 2011 D. Kessler

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My brain broke today. Just went kaput, as my grandmother used to say.

It was about 3:47 pm and I was looking at a document trying to remember what I was supposed to do with it. I looked at the other stacks of waiting documents…and they looked like Mid-town Manhattan in a post-apocalyptic sci-fi film. I expected a miniature Bruce Willis or Will Smith to dart between them on their way to save the world…save me.  I acutely felt that I should get out of my chair and sit on the floor under my desk…it might be safer down there. Maybe nobody would be able to see me down by the power strip and the box for documents determined best shredded before their paper is recycled. But even the logistics of getting down there seemed like a task too difficult to make into a reality.

Towers of TribulationIt became hard to breath.

The lights were too bright.

I was sure the girls in the next department were being even more obnoxiously loud than they are every Friday at that time of day. I sometimes wonder if they’ve started happy hour while still at the office. Damn! Give me some of what you’re having!

The Cubicle of Doom towered with too much…much too, too much & too many of too much. The stacks were the teeth of a predatory monster of the deep….something that we think only exist in the maps of the seas during the Middle Ages. And the kicker…there is so much more that will be added to it on Monday. All the Demon Monsters’ cousins and aunts and uncles will show up in true Latino fashion.

And I will cry for sure.

I’m sure I heard a long, dull rumbling yet sharply echoing *crrrraaaack!* that was the phenomenal fissure coming into existence in my brain…a chasm to rival the San Andreas Fault.

Compounded by the seemingly preternaturally bright lighting on the Home Again Express ride home. I felt like I had stepped into in a bad Hong Kong action flick where everything was hyper-colour and sharply edged…and something was about to go down. Something that wasn’t going to be pretty but that the theater audience would jump in fright and cheer at the end of the scene. I didn’t feel like I’d be around by the end of the scene.

Xanax.

A glass of Red Bicyclette Pinot Noir.

…and some cheap Chow Mien.

We may discover this just a terribly bad dream when we wake in the morning. Yeah, that’s it. Gotta be. The Xanax tells me so.

© 2011 D. Kessler

black typewriter keysOne of the many reasons I seem to have difficulty in writing something every day is that I just can’t decide what to write about. There are so many things that interest me that my mind flits from topic to topic all day. Yes, okay, so maybe I’m a bit A.D.D…Hell, A.D.H.D. even…but come ON. It shouldn’t be that hard, you know? Throughout the day I will find something that catches my ear or eye and go “Yeah! THAT’s what I’m going to write about tonight!” Then, I get home and I’m screwed…because there were at least a hundred moments like that from the time I got up to the time I got home and they are all shiny at first…and kind of dull by the time I get home.

I’ve tried keeping a list of everything as they pop into my head, augmented with little notes as to where I want to go with it, that way I can review and research them after I leave the office. I listen to a lot of NPR with earbuds while slaving away in the Cubicle of Doom…keeps me from being distracted by others in the office, helps me “get in the zone”, as it were. So, I’ll be listening to Talk of the Nation or The World or Fresh Air with Terry Gross…or any number of other programs…and there will be a blip about something that I want to check up on when I get home. Yes…when I get home.

*sigh*

See, I can’t just stop work and research it right then and there. Oh, no…and not just because I’m supposed to be filing, amending, inquiring, researching any number of the tasks I actually get paid a pittance for. No, more than that it’s the dreaded BARRACUDA… the SlaveBox’s Nazi Web-Filter. This security filter makes just surfing the web very problematic. It seems that everything you actually want to look at is “restricted” and so we get the “access denied” screen of doom for all sorts of things you wouldn’t even think it would apply to. I’m not talking just of the understandable and usual no-YouTube/no-Twitter/no-Facebook and no access to your personal web-based email like Yahoo or Hotmail or Gmail. If there is any possibility of streaming media of any kind on a site the whole site is blocked. That’s it. No can do. Do not pass “Go!” Do not collect $200.00. This means no going to the NPR website at all because, at that website, there is the mere hint of the possibility that you might-could listen to one of their podcasts. Even if all you want to do to just READ the damn story or check out a photo they were talking about on Science Friday…nope, no can do. Yeah, it’s not so fun.

Not being able to do even the most rudimentary of research such as this makes it very hard to keep your topic of choice in mind all day. For me, doing a bit of investigation helps to lock the idea in place, keeps the plate warm, reminds me to check back on it and where to check back in on it. So, try as I might to keep notes that pop into my head…I put them in a little on-going open email to myself and send it off to my personal web-based email at the end of the day so I can refer to it when I get home…it just doesn’t work. It’s very hard to keep the momentum going on any of this if you have to break away from it repeatedly. And then…the moment is gone. I imagine this is what it is like for a musician that has a hook in their head and then, if they wait too long to get it down, to try it out, to record a rudimentary riff on their voice memo app on their iPhone…it’s on the wind and gone. It’s the Mist of the Muse. *sigh*

Yeah…and it’s a problem.

So, here I sit at home now with an email full of notes that barely make sense even to me, on a hundred different topics, and now I’m like, “Uh…where do I start?”

I want to write about all of them. I want to write about none of them. I want to write about something else that grabs me…that way it will grab you. I want…

Damn it. I just want a glass of wine and a True Blood episode. Screw this.

And so…that’s my continual Dilemma…of Death.

© 2011 D. Kessler

I know I’m all over the place here lately. New Year’s Resolutions, a rant about winter and the retail nightmare, a blurb about lesser headlines and a near-choked-up tribute to a recently dead-and-gone musician doesn’t really live up to my previous life as a post-every-day ranting lunatic, a political-and-entertainment-news op-ed wanna-be somewhat serious writer. But at least I’m writing/posting SOMETHING. That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.

Yes, getting back in the groove of posting something meaningful every day, or at least somewhat entertaining, is proving to be harder than I’d like. Thank the ever-glorious SlaveBox aka Cubicle of Doom for zapping the light & life out of me by the time time I set foot on the bus home. Add to that a tiny (read 650 sq ft) apartment with three adults and two cats…and at least three-to-five large egos…all living, breathing, fighting and whatever else you can imagine and holy crap you’ve got a pickle of a situation. Where the hell am I supposed to squeeze in the time and mind-set to focus on a single topic let alone actually form an opinion about it? Um…yeah. *sigh* We’re working on that part, but bear with me for a while longer, okay? 

Here’s the plan…or at least a foggy semblance of an outline of a plan.

Since we be a nine-to-fiver (or thereabouts) during the week, expect some fluff dandelion_puffon the weekdays. Might be a gem that emerges here and there, but then it might just be some fluffy stuff floating between my ears.

Weekends are my time…all day in pajamas time…so that’s the time we hope to focus on getting some actual writing done. Think of Dy’s Mind’s Eye more like a weekly zine…in one or two installments. Hopefully part one on Saturday, part two on Sunday. Anyway…that’s the idea I’m runnin’ with. To be clear, we’ll be here everyday (hopefully) keeping the space warm, feeding the fire, handing out tid-bits to the masses…sides to the Main Entree, as it were. The supporting roles to the Saturday/Sunday Sit-Down.

That said, for today’s tid-bit I thought I’d share my Morning Coffee SlaveBox Playlist for today. Yes it’s fluff…but it’s nice fluff.  I’ve added links to various versions of most of the tunes via YouTube etc where available. Enjoy. 🙂

Morning Coffee SlaveBox Playlist

Massive Attack – Karmacoma
Stegasaurus Rex – Premumbra
Royksopp – Triumphant
Maia Krasnaia – On Ledianoi
Massive Attack – A Prayer For England 
Jel – Sweet Cream In It
Frederico Aubele – Postales 
Tricky – Overcome
Moby – Natural Blues
Massive Attack – Paradise Circus 
General Fuzz – Comfort Zone
Gotan Project – Tango Cancion 
PANTyRAID – Get the Money
Trance Fury – Guilt 
Mono – Silicone 
All India Radio – Lo Fi Groovy
Gotan Project – Vuelvo Al Sur
DJ Shadow- Midnight in a Perfect World
The Last Atlant – Anima Mundi
The Crystal Method – London

© 2011 D. Kessler

Nothing happened today. My brain was sucked dry by copious mundane tasks at The Slave Box, aka The Cubicle of Doom aka How I (Barely) Pay My Bills. Along the way I heard:

Clearly, the End of the World is Nigh.

And that is as good as any reason to have a drink…or four. And so I will.

That’s all.

© 2011 D. Kessler