The whole jump-on-the-bandwagon, me-too-me-too mind-set of New Year’s Resolutions not only puts me off a bit, it downright pisses the hell outta me. I know the whole thing is intended to motivate, get you to re-evaluate your life situation, optimize your view on the future, but for me it just does the opposite. I get all, “Oh yeah? WTF & fuck you!” about it…even though I am the one setting the goals. Does that seem just a little fucked up to you? Anyone??

I have issues with conformity and authority, I’ll grant you that. But this whole “I resolve to…” thing just makes me want to clam up, tune out and shut down. It gives me anxiety and, in turn, anger at the source of that anxiety. Fuck anything that adds more stress to my life! I don’t need it! Yes, I know I should go to the gym. Yes, I know I should write every day. Yes, I fucking know that there are five million and twenty-three things that I need to get my shit in order!

I want to lose weight.

I want to save money.

I want to get this blog back up and running.

I want to throw out most of the stuff in my apartment.

I want to read that pile of books in my bedroom that keeps getting taller and taller.

I want to get my style back.

I want to get over my social anxiety issues.

I want to eat better.

I want to fix my relationship.

I want to get my ass to France (…and Spain!)

I want to have a job that I like and feel okay with.

I want to I want to I want to I want to I want to I want to…

This could go on forever and ever. *sigh*

Setting resolutions for all this shit is just another way to stress myself out because there is no way in hell that I will accomplish them…any of it. Call me a pessimist, a defeatist…whatever. I’m being realistic. And if I can’t do all of it and do it perfectly, then what’s the fucking point?

Yes, I know. Pick only a few of the ones that are most important to you and just work on those. Baby steps. One day at a time. You can always add more later as you accomplish your goals…blahblahblah. At this point in my life EVERYTHING feels urgent. Every single one of those things listed above and more cry out for me to do them and do them yesterday, last week, last month, last YEAR. I feel a snowball effect bearing down on me with a thunderous rumble of DOOM…and it’s all I can do to get out of the way.

So with that, dear Reader, I will leave you. There’s a Bloody Mary with my name on it somewhere this Bright Sunshine-y New Year’s Day, I assure you…and it’s not going to drink itself.

“I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.” ~Anaïs Nin

Sunrise Over Barcelona

© 2011 D. Kessler