March 2009

I am fighting with my computer.

It apparently doesn’t want to do anything lately.  It doesn’t like to show all the pictures on a page…though it will show some, but it’s picky-choosy and who knows why it will show some but not others.  It won’t show me my blog the way it’s designed, nor the Evite I’m sending out the way I’m sure I think I put it together…and (the ok part) won’t show the ads that are all over facebook, Yahoo, et al.  I just get blank boxes, moved around text, and boxes that say “Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage”.

It’s very slow to load, acts like it’s on dial-up (remember that?), doesn’t seem to like my saved links/favorites all the time…sometimes, but not always…and even goes so far as to insult them and say they are “broken”.  But if I open a new window and type the exact same link, it will get to it…eventually.  It doesn’t like to change pages…and sometimes it just never does, the little circle of light continues going round and round telling you that the computer is thinking…but I don’t think it is.  I think it’s stalling.  I think it’s putting the “Do Not Disturb” sign out when it’s really there hanging out watching TV and eating room service.  It’s put the phone down without pushing the hold button and you can hear it crunching away on potato chips…I think I can even smell the salt and vinegar flavoring…

Then again…these, amongst other, things make me very nervous that there is something wrong with the ‘puter, something that needs to be looked at, that I need help fixing…but what I don’t know.  I’ve done The Scan, The Clean-up & Defrag, The Reboot, The U Name It…all the basic, low-level, low-tech-knowledge crap.  Not a chance.  Still fighting with my computer.

I thought I’d be daring and do The System Restore…what can it hurt, right?…but apparently there’s “an error on the disk” and I could not proceed without running The Check Disk Utility, which in turn I cannot run while Windows is being run.  (Huh?? How are you supposed to run anything without the OS running??)  And “Error on the disk”??  That can’t be good…that can be bad, right?…that makes me worry even more…but…

I’m sure it has to be something very simple…something that any regularly computer savvy person could fix…but hubby won’t touch it cuz he says he doesn’t “know Vista” (like how different is it from XP, really?  I mean, with something like this??) and I’m not about to or able to fork over cash to someone for what I am sure is actually something simple that I can figure out…eventually.  Or at least I could probably get some friend/acquaintance to walk me though…



So, I continue to fight…and wait…and hope…maybe it will fix itself…

© 2009 D. Kessler


I have vague recollections of a weird space of time each weekday where I stumble toward a rumbling monster, climbing into its mouth and finding it filled with scary zombie-like creatures heaped against each other like hollow rotted logs awaiting a use that never came.

Then, moments later, I am spewed forth onto the wet concrete only to seek some semblance of shelter in a large box…a box filled smaller boxes filled with more similar creatures staring at flickering squares of light and moaning noises reminiscent of curses…

Is that this “morning” thing you reference?

No…can’t be…

© 2009 D. Kessler

I’m tired as hell hearing about the economy.  This bail-out, that bail-out, this Dow Jones, that Nasadaq, what one person thinks it means, the other person’s babble that says it doesn’t, where “WE” ‘re going from here, where “WE” ‘ve been, why “WE” ‘ve been, why “WE” won’t be…AAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!


I realize that I must listen to too much NPR.  But then again…do they think, at NPR or anywhere else in broadcasting, that EVERYone is THAT interested in all this blabber about the same thing every frakin’ day??  I mean…how many of us even understand this whole economy thing, really?

Now, I consider myself to be fairly intelligent. Okay, actually…at the risk of sounding like an elitist arrogant snob of grand proportions…I will tell you that I consider myself to be more than fairly intelligent and definitely more intelligent than your average Joe or Wendy Schmoe.  I read Shakespeare for fun when I was in grade school and understood it, couldn’t get enough of it.  I have followed politics since the Nixion/McGovern election when I was six, as I have previously referenced here in this blog.  I skipped most of 4th grade and went directly to 5th grade because I was bored and I could. I scored high enough on placement tests in 9th grade…those designed to help your teachers and counselors to figure out where your aptitude is and what classes you should take, steering you toward your ultimate goal of college, productive citizen etc…that my teachers and counselors let it slip to me that I would mostly be merely going through the motions for the next few years just to earn enough credits to appease the system to get my diploma (the fact that I did not get to go to college and continue in the steps those teachers felt inevitable, is a topic best left alone for now).  I watch PBS and I listen to NPR and PRI (obviously, as previously noted).  I am not a stupid person.

But I am really tired of hearing about practically nothing else but the economy, the economy, the FREAKIN’ E-CON-O-MEEE!  And frankly, I just don’t get it.

Oh, I am quite aware that we are all fucked at the moment, some more than others, but this whole thing about getting the credit out to the people…though understandable in over-all terms of “get the money moving” and the trickle-down effect to the American people, etc…it doesn’t really apply to me and I’m tired of hearing about it.  It doesn’t help me directly…or quite a lot of other people, either.   In fact, hearing about it makes me feel worse, not better.  It makes absolutely no frakin’ difference to me that they are getting the funds out there to help banks and other financial lenders so that they can do that lending that they like to do so well.  I know that it has to be done, I get the theory of it, I have confidence that my beloved President (yes, for real, I love the man), his advisors and maybe even Congress probably know what they are doing and are taking the steps needed to turn the economy around.  But I also know it’s gonna take a while, and a hard arm, to turn this boat…and I definitely don’t need to hear any more about it while we’re waiting to get our nose to pointed to the shore!  Because…

I. DON’T. QUALIFY.  Not for any of it.

Not for a freaking lousy credit card with even a minimum lending limit. Not for a car loan (like I want a petrol guzzling box o’ tin and fiberglass, no thanks!).  Not for a mortgage.  Not for nada.  Not ever, now, or in the past. 

There.  It’s out in the open.  I have a really sucky credit rating, and always have, for reasons I will not burden you with.  I can tell you that I just have worked my ass off for my whole life, trying to stay ahead of the shut-off notice, the delinquent medical bill, trying to keep my self fed and clothed (barely) and a roof over my head…and I am not alone.  Me…a consumer??  With what money would I be such a thing?!  I haven’t bought a new pair of shoes for myself…SHOES!…in at least 3 years.  SHOES!! (and I love shoes…)  Forget about any big-ticket items like a car or a house or anything else…

So, I wish that the media would just shut the hell up.  I don’t need to hear HOW they are doing it anymore.  I just need to know that they ARE doing SOMEthing…something that will work. Something that will get me a few more dollars in my pocket…and I’m not talking credit dollars.  I’m talking real cash, lower prices at the grocery store and more dollars in my take-home pay.  And if that something makes sense to those economist minds that get all that blathering, let them blather.  Just stop doing it on every news radio & television program every which way I turn. 

And now, I will go scrounge for change in all the pockets and drawers in my  apartment just so I can do a single load of laundry before returning to my office grindstone tomorrow.  Then, we’ll heat up leftovers from three days ago for dinner.  Cuz that’s how it rolls in this house, and many millions of others across the nation…and always has.  No different than last week, last year, last decade.  Not in this house.

Until next time…hopefully soon…

© 2009 D. Kessler