As I apparently blew off my writing/blogging for the month of January…with the exception of two posts…it was with trepidation that I meandered over to the NaBloPoMo site in search of a new badge for February for the right-side column of my blog’s front page.  Does it make a mockery of the whole idea if I, with my happy little badge declaring that “I write every day!”, don’t fulfill the task?  I mean, you all see that little thing in the corner and go, ‘Yeah, right, Dy.  Sure you’re going to post everyday.  Uh-huh. Ok. Whatever you say.  You know we came by here a number of days last month and you were nowhere to be found.  Totally incognito, kaput, vaporized…just plain GONE.”

*sigh*

Yes, that’s true.  But then there’s the idea that if I stick that badge in the corner that maybe it’ll help nudge me in that direction, sort of a way to guilt me into it, as it were.  Not that I don’t want to write something everyday, it’s just that it seems so hard lately to do so.  I don’t have the helpful external prodding from the media blitz that preceded the election, I don’t have the hours of nothing to do that I did before I re-joined the workforce, I don’t have the brain energy to get wrapped up in some trivial thing and make it a big thing and I certainly don’t seem to have the words free-flowing out my fingertips. 

Not to say that I don’t have the words still stewing and swirling around my brain…they just seem to be having a hard time finding the correct corridor to the exit. 

See, the words that are romping around my head seem be different than the previous ones.  Additionally, they have stifled the cool creative words, the words that really want to/need to get out and about, the words that are interesting and create stories and opinions and observations worth reading.  The non-cool words…aka the Bully Words…sprout from things like financial concerns and getting my living space livable and PMS and general non-happenings that bug me in Real Life…things that are best left in a private journal or hashed out with one’s psychiatrist.  These Bully Words loiter around the hallways of my brain, blocking the exits for the Creative Words…and they apparently think this is a riot.  I imagine them calling out in their best Nelson voice, “Haw-haw!  Look at the freaky-artsy-fartsies trying to get out!  Haw-haw! What a bunch of idiots!  Haw-haw!”  Which, of course, makes the neurotic Creative Words forget all their Coolness and they mill about trying to look cool and pretend that they’re waiting for other Cool Creative Words to hang out with…which means that they never really get out, do they?

Well. We’re. Not. Having. Any of it!  Apparently the geekiest of the Creative Words made it out somehow…or else how do you explain this bizarre metaphor of a story?

So.  February’s topic at NaBloPoMo is WANT…and I WANT to beat those Bully Words to a pulp and get those Cool Creative Words flowing again.  If ya’ll have any ideas on how to get that done, by all means, toss ’em my way!  In the meantime, it is my full intention to plop some shit on this shingle everyday this month…hopefully some of it will be worth reading.

See ya tomorrow…one way or the other…

© 2009 D. Kessler

Advertisements